The Rosary Years – 1995-1998 – Parents in my Home and Heart

Spontaneous Poem (Class) & Selected Poems Misc

Giving – 20144

She’s old now

She walks with a guarded slowness

Calculating each step

Her way and path is to give

With a quiet step, she sneaks to leave a gift,

A sugary snack, 

A pleasant treat, that she should have enjoyed

Instead, her joy, her energy comes from the act of giving.

She has no earthly wealth, no costly gifts to give, 

But what she gives is pure love… un-countless karats pure.

I think of the times that she wanted to give.  It was daily.  If she had extra food prepared, (it didn’t have to be extra even if she just had a little), she would offer it to me to take upstairs and give to us.  Or if I admired something she would say that I could have it.  One time, Her son and his children came to visit.  As they were getting ready to leave, I noticed Mom searching the apartment.  Soon she emerged with a knitted muffler in her hand.  It was the one she wore with her good coat on Sunday.  She walked over to her granddaughter and handed it to her.  She had knitted it years ago, when she could still count and sequence.  I realized that this was the last one that she had and if she gave it away she would have nothing to wrap around her ears to keep the cold away. (She hated for the wind to blow in her ears.  Since she only had partial hearing in one ear, she feared earaches!)  It really struck me that she would happily suffer the cold rather than allow her grandaughter to leave without giving her something.  I told her to always keep that and when she was sad, lonely or need love to find the muffler and hold it, because it contained so much love.  I hope that she still has it. 

Henry Slays the Dandelions  (Henry Hobbles) 

Today he got two buckets full of them!

He turns 90 this month, 

But age has not slowed his deep desire to “do just one more.”

Today it was the dandelions that were on his list.

Tomorrow it will be something else.

He can’t leave this earth just yet…

Tomorrow will be here to “do just one more.”

He Prays – She Fusses – 1995

He still sees her as she was-

He is confused and cannot understand

Why she cannot be like before

He Prays – She Fusses

He does not understand why she does not do as he says-

He has a schedule

His duties

She wants to give – but can no longer-

Trying to remember exactly what to do-

He prays – She fusses

The Will to Give

In my early morning haze, 

I find myself hugging my coffee cup, 

Waiting for that moment of energy.

As I wait, I watch my mother and my dog-

Sadie lies silently at the old woman’s feet- 

Moving only when she moves or

To catch a fat-laden morsel dropped ‘sneakily’ to the floor—

Like food smuggled to a prisoner.

Caught!

The old woman is caught in the act.

Confronted!

“That’s why the ants come in!”  I say

They lower their eyes knowing that they have been scolded!

Somehow – we know that

The dog can always count on her treats

The ants will come in  

And the Forgetful Old Giving Tree will remember-

the only thing that’s important…

The will to give.

Backups – 

He is consummate shopper-

Before whatever gets low 

A backup is bought-

Even though he knows that – if he runs out

He can borrow from his neighbor upstairs

Occasionally – he runs out-

(Visiting the neighbors is always nice-to-have)

Bur their help is not forgotten-

They are always repaid three-fold

Balancing the scales of sharing!

By Nature he is a Craftsman-

The items crafted – solve a need

or Fill a void-

a perfectly measured symmetrical statement of his caring-

He was not put on earth to entertain, to teach or to govern

But to build

He uses Nature to for objects to live in-

Make life easier or just to delight!

Live to Eat

Energy must be consumed in-order

to be redirected

All parts require different energies

We are sustained

We are nourished

Free to choose our nourishment

Taste – some bad – some good 

Also Required also to sustain – nourish our mind – psyche

Along with bread and wine

Sustain and care & feeding of the Entire Being-

Bread for fiber

Wine for the heart, 

Humility to treat pride,

Love instead of hate

Faith and trust 

Our share of the community of man

Prayer

Find the root cause-

Use prayer to tap into the energy of the Universe

Our mind (psyche) is the center or the personal Universe 

Prayer is a conduit

Our being draws on the energy at the center 

Connected consciously-

Power increases proportionally by focusing on subconscious ways 

Our vision becomes a plan

Visualizing what was not seen before-

Minds learn to trust and believe

Addictions – worldly solution to cover the pain-

Slows to a weak pulse

The structure collapses around itself-

All things are possible through prayer-

Ask and you shall receive-

Sin tears the Fabric of the Soul

Confession is our Soul speaking the Truth

We step up to take ownership

It is ours to own

Ours to change 

‘When it rains – something grows’

Nailing sin to the Cross 

Leave more room for love

Forgiveness – Peace

Parents

Parents love

Teach 

Correct

Some frown

Some smile

Some are seen as villains

Some heroes

Feelings get hurt

Fear makes us hide things – that should be aired

Parents want their handiwork to be perfect-

A child only wants acceptance – love-

In reality the child is complex 

Caring and imperfect in many ways 

Teaching acceptance?-

Test it – 

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems-

Even parents have imperfections and they are still love-

Fairy Droppings – 1995

Surgery done

Healing begins-

Tiredness, tenderness, no energy

But still the dog must be walked-

Next to the leash rests a small piece of candy and a stick of gum.

Droppings from my Fairy God-like Mother.

I smile and a healing warmth moves through me

Each day more “fairy droppings” appear-

Ding-dongs propped by the cookie jar- 

An ice cream treat left in the freezer

More paper wrapped candy pieces and sticks of gum

Each creating a quiet smile and more healing warmth

Beauty Refined – Ode to Evelyn – 1995

Beauty was a flower

A perfectly carved work-of-art

I see beauty in a sunset

Beauty means no imperfections

Now – with her near me – things seem to take on a new dimension 

a  patina of forms and lines

of depth and color

The lines in an old woman’s face

Carved and scarred by time

Now appears have a sacred rhythm and a tale to share-

She is a field of broken and dried flowers

Becoming synergy of form and hue- 

Healing

Surgery – Growth disrupted – must heal-

Healing process only begins after trauma

Nature on it own – heals – rebuilds

All living things innately heals

Healing enables us to be human 

Make mistakes

Healing allows us to take risks

It is ok to dare-

We will Heal!

April 30, 1995

Early Morning at Waterbury Home – St Louis

It is early-

She wants to watch Mass on TV

But she cannot remember the channel

It is hard to remember – She gets confused

I set the channel for her

and she reaches for me-

I think for a grateful hug-

But instead she whispers – ‘Wish Pop Happy Birthday!

Today is his birthday’!!

7:30 Mass

Fasting-

Black bag in tow (holding her 56-year-old prayer book)

And dressy shoes — with high heels. 

No “Walking Crane.”

Like an old ship, she lists her way to Mass.

Stability, safety are not an issue here.

Her everyday “clompers” will not do!

It’s respect.

She must look her best for Mass.

Somehow I know that the angels will bear her up

so she stumbles not!

His Shop Lies Empty

March 9, 1998

I found him-

So peaceful

He had told me that he would just sleep away

His heart was weak after 90 years of toil

It was in “doing for” that made his being

But simple tasks now made him sick

His mind and will, so strong

Life was not worth living if he could not “do for” others.

He took care of his mother after his father died.

He stayed with her until all the younger brothers and sisters were grown and wed

He gave the orphan Evelyn the family that she had never known.

They gave us focus by keeping us God-centered.

They taught us what is important by giving.

They gave us success by teaching us to serve others.

They gave us joy – because there was no room left for sadness.

They were simple people, needing little

All he desired was affection

He needed to know that he was loved.

His shop lies empty.

But why do I feel like I did not do enough?

I gave because I had plenty.

They gave, even though they had little.

His shop lies empty.

My work group sent flowers to me,

I took them to his shop.

A Piece of His Soul

March 9, 1999

I knew when they came to live with me

That this is where he would die…

I instinctively knew &  reminded  myself  daily

Knowing the inevitable.

I was sure that I would be be ready 

For the time when he left.

I remember waking at 3:00 AM – The morning he died.

I felt a sudden  saddening – an emptiness.

I knew a part of me was no longer there.

I was not as prepared as I planned to be.

It was that moment that I understood agape  love.

The bonding love that binds and links life force-

and anchors 

Tethers to the ground of confidence 

That one free to aspire and create..

Now, one year later

The emptiness does not leave.

Nor is it filled …

As I fill my life with nothingness 

The emptiness is always there.

It almost becomes a companion 

Reminding me of what is worthwhile.

Longing for that  place that I call home.

The Bond of Attachment broken…

It was knit 

Like a ticking bomb –

My ear to the pocket watch in his bib overalls 

As he rocked me to sleep – Welding bonds eternal-

Spontaneous Poem Writing Class – 2014

Life Long Learning Class Poems at Washington University –

Prompt words were given and 10 minutes to compose a poem:

April 26, 2014

LLI Impromptu poetry class –

Prompt Words- “Silly Similes” 

The wet weather wears on my inner women

The flood come down in buckets of buckets

The soul has holes 

And it cries and weeps

The puddles gather below in the pond 

And “Isles of langer hans”

The light is nowhere to be seen

The darkness hides the Son

Without the sun enlightenment

We are – silly smiles

LLI  Impromptu poetry class – Prompt Words:

Bananas, oranges, tropical fruit–

Monkey food

I told Virginia that the peel contains 2.5 time the antioxidants-

in the sweet core-

Virginia – recovering from a knee replacement

and a Coca Cola addiction-

 said she heard that In the wild

the Monkey’s do not eat the  peel

HMMM – I thought a bit..

Wonder why that is?

Eating the sweet and tasty core

and leaving the really nutritious food for trash-

Sounds a bit like “fast  and “processed white” food to me.

Stop monkeying around

Get serious – Only it you have to-

Only the good die young

It is because the don’t monkey around

They dive in and finish their list 

Before we even start

Monkey Minds belong in the zoo

Eating fast and processed food gets them

Locked in confinement of their Money Brain

Infrastructure left on the floor of the jungle.

Thoughts abound and rebound 

All in the wrong places

ADDHD the wise doctor says

Ritalin

When eating plant protein

Would solve this problem and a zillion more

Anyway – how many monkeys do you see flying airplanes

or designing tall buildings ??

LLI Impromptu poetry class –

Prompt Words-

“She was Already Dead When I Got There”..

She was mostly fettered and barren long before..

There she was, in all her blaming glory…

The neighbors came by to throw their last respects-

Respecting not her presence, 

But rejoicing in the peace – she left behind-

Her wake was a wake of her omissions-

Her children from near and far

Brought homage as one would give to one who had never lived..

Her legacy towered over

Loomed as grey shadows in the darkness,

But nothingness filled her meaningless eulogy-

A rare spark of light shined through as they laid her to rest..

The synergy of family 

Magnetically 

Magically 

Wove a thread of the fiber of her being to

The next link 

The broken chain was fastened…

The part of life that she was never

Brought cohesion

Unity

Togetherness

A Grand Finish to behold

.

LLI Impromptu poetry class –

Prompt Words-“Life is but a Dream”-

Life is an Impression

A perception of reality

So “Who cares?”

Life is how we choose to filter the behavior of others

Bad behavior can be seen good – If we think it-

Life is uninteresting, if we think it-

Sad, if we think it-

Compassion,  if we think it-

Seething feelings 

Becomes anger

 at “perceived” hurt feeling

If we think it-

 A “put down”

 An insult, only a perceived wound

Either take exception

Or don’t bother and just go fishing.

Cane could have -Able would have lived…

Banal behavior reeks of thoughtlessness

Or Fast food..

Displacing dreams that will never come true..

Positive inertia will always displace the pessimistic kind

Kind behavior become sacks of…

Magnifies

Accumulates and even snowballs

Better than dysfunction,

Conflicting Afflictions,

Wars, bloodshed or simply being the Simpletons-

LLI Impromptu poetry class – Prompt Words:  “Blue ball, Juicy Orange, A church, Popcorn, Taxi, Jump rope”….

The blue ball rolled down the aisle of a church to a taxi outside,

where a bride & groom dodged pop corn pelted at them, 

as they were driven off, toasting juicy oranges and champaign.. 

 He tied her up with the jump rope

and you know the rest of the story!!

LLI Impromptu poetry class –

Prompt Words: Jumper, Lift,  Clotted Cream

Lifting the cream jar from the refrigerator

Clotted cream – again

My coffee goes wanting

As does my life..

My children are hedgy

My house a fog

Lifts not..

My dog, 

no where to be found

For comfort and consolation

Where is the friendly banter

Where are the friends

All  at the casino 

Drowning their tragic lives in triviality and boos

Where is the preacher?

Beatles said “Writing a sermon that no one would here”

Mrs Robinson knows better

She thinks..any way

She arranges her life to be pleasing to others, 

She manages to dodge the bullet of fate

By pretending she is…..What she is not.

Presumption muddles and hazes our relationships

The truth….only hurts feeling..

We can’t do that or can we?

Untruth or Lies authorize 

and equip us to empower,

Enabling us to keep all our cattle and horses in the stable….

But are they happy there….

Well-fed with dried straw,  

Instead of green grass, kernels of grain and seeds

Where they could roam and romp

And  running and free 

Breathing the sunshine and fresh air of truth

But instead are held captive to a life in a stall

Protected from the elements

Protected from the rapacious vulturous greedy minds

and the hearts and mouths of political correctness..

The horse was named Jumper – without a net…

Prompt Words: “I just love penguins”..

Penguins are tough-

and dedicatedly loyal to their progeny

Like any other mother who is given a life to hold 

Pander to

Revolve around like a planet,

and patiently coddle 

In the harshest of surroundings..

They March to the sea

With the faith of Abraham

The promised land of provisions

To share with their helpmate 

and chick

Why did God permit them to land at the South Pole

The forsaken, desolate outpost of creation

Where only the sea gulls and the polar bears roam

Home – home on the range of ice upon icy layer

The penguins of the world 

Are die-hards who control impulses to quit

Stay in there and do the hard thing

Resist quitting

End up being more than was intended

A model for believers 

To care more

Remain constant and faithful to the inner voice 

Holding knife to the throat to stay in line

and March in the direction of the unseen sun. (Son)

January 3 

Prompt words  “Do you want to please or control ?

No Rest in Sight.

Man is on fire

Black Roses on fire

Light on 

When not expected

Nice to have 

Mysteries await

Never 

Unwind

Tell 

Henry was driven 

By the beacon inside

Hardware

Hard Man

To unwind the Basque – he was…

Tie loose sloppy beads of attachment 

Fold into knots of greater escape

The Son also rises to shine

The Man is manless 

And hard to find

Ask and you shall receive

Filter is clogged with limitations

With The bonds are not broken

Only charges of hope

There – But hard to find

Listen to the Whisper

Find the Heart

and you will be fine

Fine as a fiddle

Fine as a fin

To swim to the design

Of the of the Cross

He made for you.

He provides – encourages

Promotes life

Promotes justice

Fosters and brings bonds of  endearment

Attachment

When all is won-we please and control

Where will we go 

If all goes to hell

Where will we go

The miner is missing

The collier

A ship carrying  coal

A ship caring praise 

Carrying promos 

Necessarily ignighted

and turns the coal to dust…

Miscellaneous Poems – 2014 –

Embers  – HT Wagner

Hardware to steady

Embrace

Redress

Remedy – set right

Set upright again

Grab what comes your way

Or be left behind 

He who sleeps…drops off

redress the balance

redress the wrong

Find the Prize 

The proxemics – The knowledge of the space 

To set between self and others…

-Other

The operative

Most relavant

Most connected

To be connected…

Most cherished and adored

Free space in between-

God Space-

Charged with promise

Hope of a Savior

Black Rosary in tow

To attend

To mention

To feel all

That sees beyond

The brand

The brink of the edge of disaster 

The brink of hope

Death to the hopeless and life – the other-

About 3:30 AM – Woke suddenly – Rosary was still in hand-

clutched  to my breast

3 breaths deeply breathed unconsciously

I  knew I had something inside 

That needed to get out…

Rosary of Mary

Rosary of Life 

3 beads of breath

Thirst 

Swirl for the weld 

of the Holy Spirit

A path to follow… 

Erase all 

Of “what might be”

The cloud  is lifted

and the truth is revealed

The rosary of life

In a lovely path of beads…

To follow 

To the knowing tree.

Tree of life

Tree tomorrow

All ready set before

Before time began

Looking the soup of the day…Wasabi Sea Weed

Resting  on the counter

Inside the flavors were swimming

Becoming the soup of tomorrow 

A poet’s dream-

Looking for hand cream

But no need to look

It was right by my side.

New Journal to record

The begins

The of a new Black Rosary

The Second Coming Meditation

Moisten my face

Moisten my soul

Be ready for a new day

Resting in arms 

Swaddled and given to Mary

The Midbrain

The Host 

The gate keeper to Her Son

Dawning in a new civilization

A new way of thinkingPineal gland – a-pumping…

What I really want to know

Is the trip

The journal of the trip

from Henri to Dee to HT

The genesis 

The evolution

So my kids

Grankids

Would know

And be one with the Cosmos

One with the Cross

In a sentence

in a Word

The word was spoken…

Birthright won

The dragon of Puff

Has been slain

Chinks in the armor

Still a song in heart

Journey of a lifetime goes on

Under duress

Under pinned by faith, love and hope

Faith not in what is…

But what He could do 

If He wants to…

Hope for tomorrow 

Without any fear

Love unconditional

See only what is real

Perception is all theta is put before you

All what is not

All To pray 

To be

Prayer germs – all

To tie the knot of knowing not,

But creating a lovely tomorrow…

Holding the Black Beads

Dust to dust

I shall find life

After the deadness is gone

The deadness of numbness of what came before

the pearl

the Prize of over-coming

the grapes struggling on the hillside

To make the finest wine

What is revealed to me

is what I always  was

Me

Poet & lover of life, love & little nothing else.

the nothingness – Was an Idle

14 years of study in the arms of Mary

Nurtured

Prepared 

Ready for tomorrow

Without the baggage 

of preconception

or presumption

But clear vision of trust 

Muddied by none

A piano to be played

Prayed

It is all there

Let it flow.

Boon – Blessing – my friend

Listen to him

Feel the joy of new

Realized

Refreshed

Renewed

Feed my hungry cat-

Fancy feast…

Fruit of the labor

Filling the path 

That was always there.

Blinded

Sojourners all

Cats do not care…

There are just there

There for the purring

& petting

& faith 

Fun 

& caring

I leave it in Your Unblemished Hands…

St. John of the Cross-The Soul An Embryo

Care and feeding during Gestation

To avoid miscarriage

Feed only the fruits of love & joy

Rejoicing in material possessions & luxury will displace the  ardor and zeal that is necessary for the development of a compassionate, generous, charitable and noble soul

A Gold Soul

Avoidance of self-love, arrogance, pride

The vanity of all desires of the will

Useless, pointless and worthless

is required for 

Humility to develop and grow

Joy in hearing useless things give direct rise to distraction of the imagination

Criminal…

Abortion of the fetal soul threatened

Gossiping, envy, presumption with only a thin slice of the truth followed by un-serving and often fatal judgement, 

In ordinate covertness

Power and strength are drained –

Leaving retarded development of the soul

Lust, gluttony, anger, envy discord 

Invite lack of charity to neighbor

The Chariot of God is often a  Broken Vessel

Broken because it is governed by desire

Soul being carried inside

Can survive in a Broken Vessel

As long as the Ego beast is denied the sensor urges and desires

Denial of sensory goods will turn the vessel to God 

The seven deadly sins will not kill the beast…only the Soul…

Martha’s Children – 8:10 PM

The Unattached children – orphans they are-

Dedicated to St Martha & all of her minions…

Children who never knew their Mother

She was too busy with homemaking tasks to connect

She thought children were like plants

Just water now then

The SON will do the rest.

But they have stages

& wages to be paid for each phase

Stage grow into junctures

Doors that open the next Pandora’s Box

Never to be closed

Never to be redone

Each moment in time

Instantly 

Indelibly 

Permanently ingrained

& hauntingly  …

Whole fabric works well – when it is all there..

Torn fabric – leaves a little to be desire

Weave it strong & true to begin with

Take care to maintain it with vigilance 

Clean stains as the occur

Wear it gently

Add another layer when it is really cold

Love it tenderly

Respect the fabric of others & recognize their tears

Make repairs together

Fabrics are made of trillions of bits of thread

Each has fingerlings that touch the next 

There are two competing lines of transmission

Ego’s line from within

God’s line to us

God is always talking-

“Stiff Necked” Disorder

Direct – not Warm

Extra sensitive feelings

Feeling hurt easily

Presumption

If thoughts are selectively to let the be rolled off & 

Choosing to presume and take as insult

Thoughts will escape the pre-adolescent mentality

& Grow into relationship building thought–bridges

Rather than walls

Remember the Passion

Juan Ruiz – ‘never presume anything’

Pre-adolescent stage is for bringing this behavior

to consciousness & correcting them.

Not recognized, they become “distorted thinking” as adults

Until God allow openness & curiosity

& a powerful & intelligent is built with will power,

In the MPC cortex with whole grain & fishes…

The Brain – The Psyche will have no track on which  to tread

They will remain in the Binary Monkey Mind,

intrinsic pre-adolescent mode

…that is all they know to do..

Binary Monkey Mind (ANS) tries to turn all behavior into habit

Lazy Monkey…

Feast of the Loaves & Fishes – It was a Miracle…

Pasteurized dairy Kills the demons along with the angels

Along with killing the demons, pasteurized dairy the angels. 

They become free radicals to be disposed in brain, heart.joints…

 Along with killing the demons, pasteurized ‘dead’ dairy –

the mangled angels – become free-radicals.

Debris for dead storage only-

I Spanked a Monkey Today

The Monkey was unable to understand

Why he should take care of his mind

The instructions were perfectly clear

Un-restrictions & meat was 

All that was clear to him 

He liked it like it is…here in the monkey tank at the zoo

Muddled & dysfunctional

Christ came through…

The Miracle Mind was especially designed

For those who aspired to higher thought…

& Christ told him that it was okay

He was not equipped

But would be soon

The science of ‘Mostly Me’ was out-of-date

& in need of an upgrade.

Will soon be on the shelves & computers everywhere…

That even a monkey will be able to read

But needed the 3-D glass filters of plant protein & fishes

No one knows how to translate empathy

To a monkey minded professor of what is

What is 

Is not to others who live in the cloud

The skies of the Dome above Rocky Mountain below-

January 15, 2013

 The Space Where Angel Tread.

Animal Protein..Altered GMO (Milled grain or Over-Heated Dairy & BAD fried oils)  

Mind Food that is ‘not-fit-for-Human-Consumption‘

Empty Space

It where God is

God is the space between Matter

Holding in suspension

All things 

For all eternity

God is all things in abundance

God never shows His Face

But  seeing the Unseen God

Is Looking into the eyes of “Other”

Monkey Minds cannot see God

Minding their own business

Selfishly guarding their space

Not knowing that God is there within it

The Binary Monkey Brain falls short of perfection

Has not the space within

Spurns it

Rejects doing what others say

Breast beating display

Announces that he is god

A god not seen is no threat

To a Old Temple

The Binary Mind heralds:

Food: must taste good,

Only criteria

Oblivious to nutrition-

Wants the sweet…loss is just ok

Fast food, eat the sweets

& remove the coarse nutrition

& other nutrient that gets in the way of taste-

Matthew 10:34

New International Version (NIV)

34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. 

I did not come to bring peace, but a sword-