The Rosary Years – 1995-1998 – Parents in my Home and Heart
Spontaneous Poem (Class) & Selected Poems Misc
Giving – 20144
She’s old now
She walks with a guarded slowness
Calculating each step
Her way and path is to give
With a quiet step, she sneaks to leave a gift,
A sugary snack,
A pleasant treat, that she should have enjoyed
Instead, her joy, her energy comes from the act of giving.
She has no earthly wealth, no costly gifts to give,
But what she gives is pure love… un-countless karats pure.
I think of the times that she wanted to give. It was daily. If she had extra food prepared, (it didn’t have to be extra even if she just had a little), she would offer it to me to take upstairs and give to us. Or if I admired something she would say that I could have it. One time, Her son and his children came to visit. As they were getting ready to leave, I noticed Mom searching the apartment. Soon she emerged with a knitted muffler in her hand. It was the one she wore with her good coat on Sunday. She walked over to her granddaughter and handed it to her. She had knitted it years ago, when she could still count and sequence. I realized that this was the last one that she had and if she gave it away she would have nothing to wrap around her ears to keep the cold away. (She hated for the wind to blow in her ears. Since she only had partial hearing in one ear, she feared earaches!) It really struck me that she would happily suffer the cold rather than allow her grandaughter to leave without giving her something. I told her to always keep that and when she was sad, lonely or need love to find the muffler and hold it, because it contained so much love. I hope that she still has it.
Henry Slays the Dandelions (Henry Hobbles)
Today he got two buckets full of them!
He turns 90 this month,
But age has not slowed his deep desire to “do just one more.”
Today it was the dandelions that were on his list.
Tomorrow it will be something else.
He can’t leave this earth just yet…
Tomorrow will be here to “do just one more.”
He Prays – She Fusses – 1995
He still sees her as she was-
He is confused and cannot understand
Why she cannot be like before
He Prays – She Fusses
He does not understand why she does not do as he says-
He has a schedule
She wants to give – but can no longer-
Trying to remember exactly what to do-
He prays – She fusses
The Will to Give
In my early morning haze,
I find myself hugging my coffee cup,
Waiting for that moment of energy.
As I wait, I watch my mother and my dog-
Sadie lies silently at the old woman’s feet-
Moving only when she moves or
To catch a fat-laden morsel dropped ‘sneakily’ to the floor—
Like food smuggled to a prisoner.
The old woman is caught in the act.
“That’s why the ants come in!” I say
They lower their eyes knowing that they have been scolded!
Somehow – we know that
The dog can always count on her treats
The ants will come in
And the Forgetful Old Giving Tree will remember-
the only thing that’s important…
The will to give.
He is consummate shopper-
Before whatever gets low
A backup is bought-
Even though he knows that – if he runs out
He can borrow from his neighbor upstairs
Occasionally – he runs out-
(Visiting the neighbors is always nice-to-have)
Bur their help is not forgotten-
They are always repaid three-fold
Balancing the scales of sharing!
By Nature he is a Craftsman-
The items crafted – solve a need
or Fill a void-
a perfectly measured symmetrical statement of his caring-
He was not put on earth to entertain, to teach or to govern
But to build
He uses Nature to for objects to live in-
Make life easier or just to delight!
Live to Eat
Energy must be consumed in-order
to be redirected
All parts require different energies
We are sustained
We are nourished
Free to choose our nourishment
Taste – some bad – some good
Also Required also to sustain – nourish our mind – psyche
Along with bread and wine
Sustain and care & feeding of the Entire Being-
Bread for fiber
Wine for the heart,
Humility to treat pride,
Love instead of hate
Faith and trust
Our share of the community of man
Find the root cause-
Use prayer to tap into the energy of the Universe
Our mind (psyche) is the center or the personal Universe
Prayer is a conduit
Our being draws on the energy at the center
Power increases proportionally by focusing on subconscious ways
Our vision becomes a plan
Visualizing what was not seen before-
Minds learn to trust and believe
Addictions – worldly solution to cover the pain-
Slows to a weak pulse
The structure collapses around itself-
All things are possible through prayer-
Ask and you shall receive-
Sin tears the Fabric of the Soul
Confession is our Soul speaking the Truth
We step up to take ownership
It is ours to own
Ours to change
‘When it rains – something grows’
Nailing sin to the Cross
Leave more room for love
Forgiveness – Peace
Some are seen as villains
Feelings get hurt
Fear makes us hide things – that should be aired
Parents want their handiwork to be perfect-
A child only wants acceptance – love-
In reality the child is complex
Caring and imperfect in many ways
Test it –
Nothing is ever as bad as it seems-
Even parents have imperfections and they are still love-
Fairy Droppings – 1995
Tiredness, tenderness, no energy
But still the dog must be walked-
Next to the leash rests a small piece of candy and a stick of gum.
Droppings from my Fairy God-like Mother.
I smile and a healing warmth moves through me
Each day more “fairy droppings” appear-
Ding-dongs propped by the cookie jar-
An ice cream treat left in the freezer
More paper wrapped candy pieces and sticks of gum
Each creating a quiet smile and more healing warmth
Beauty Refined – Ode to Evelyn – 1995
Beauty was a flower
A perfectly carved work-of-art
I see beauty in a sunset
Beauty means no imperfections
Now – with her near me – things seem to take on a new dimension
a patina of forms and lines
of depth and color
The lines in an old woman’s face
Carved and scarred by time
Now appears have a sacred rhythm and a tale to share-
She is a field of broken and dried flowers
Becoming synergy of form and hue-
Surgery – Growth disrupted – must heal-
Healing process only begins after trauma
Nature on it own – heals – rebuilds
All living things innately heals
Healing enables us to be human
Healing allows us to take risks
It is ok to dare-
We will Heal!
April 30, 1995
Early Morning at Waterbury Home – St Louis
It is early-
She wants to watch Mass on TV
But she cannot remember the channel
It is hard to remember – She gets confused
I set the channel for her
and she reaches for me-
I think for a grateful hug-
But instead she whispers – ‘Wish Pop Happy Birthday!
Today is his birthday’!!
Black bag in tow (holding her 56-year-old prayer book)
And dressy shoes — with high heels.
No “Walking Crane.”
Like an old ship, she lists her way to Mass.
Stability, safety are not an issue here.
Her everyday “clompers” will not do!
She must look her best for Mass.
Somehow I know that the angels will bear her up
so she stumbles not!
His Shop Lies Empty
March 9, 1998
I found him-
He had told me that he would just sleep away
His heart was weak after 90 years of toil
It was in “doing for” that made his being
But simple tasks now made him sick
His mind and will, so strong
Life was not worth living if he could not “do for” others.
He took care of his mother after his father died.
He stayed with her until all the younger brothers and sisters were grown and wed
He gave the orphan Evelyn the family that she had never known.
They gave us focus by keeping us God-centered.
They taught us what is important by giving.
They gave us success by teaching us to serve others.
They gave us joy – because there was no room left for sadness.
They were simple people, needing little
All he desired was affection
He needed to know that he was loved.
His shop lies empty.
But why do I feel like I did not do enough?
I gave because I had plenty.
They gave, even though they had little.
His shop lies empty.
My work group sent flowers to me,
I took them to his shop.
A Piece of His Soul
March 9, 1999
I knew when they came to live with me
That this is where he would die…
I instinctively knew & reminded myself daily
Knowing the inevitable.
I was sure that I would be be ready
For the time when he left.
I remember waking at 3:00 AM – The morning he died.
I felt a sudden saddening – an emptiness.
I knew a part of me was no longer there.
I was not as prepared as I planned to be.
It was that moment that I understood agape love.
The bonding love that binds and links life force-
Tethers to the ground of confidence
That one free to aspire and create..
Now, one year later
The emptiness does not leave.
Nor is it filled …
As I fill my life with nothingness
The emptiness is always there.
It almost becomes a companion
Reminding me of what is worthwhile.
Longing for that place that I call home.
The Bond of Attachment broken…
It was knit
Like a ticking bomb –
My ear to the pocket watch in his bib overalls
As he rocked me to sleep – Welding bonds eternal-
Spontaneous Poem Writing Class – 2014
Life Long Learning Class Poems at Washington University –
Prompt words were given and 10 minutes to compose a poem:
April 26, 2014
LLI Impromptu poetry class –
Prompt Words- “Silly Similes”
The wet weather wears on my inner women
The flood come down in buckets of buckets
The soul has holes
And it cries and weeps
The puddles gather below in the pond
And “Isles of langer hans”
The light is nowhere to be seen
The darkness hides the Son
Without the sun enlightenment
We are – silly smiles
LLI Impromptu poetry class – Prompt Words:
Bananas, oranges, tropical fruit–
I told Virginia that the peel contains 2.5 time the antioxidants-
in the sweet core-
Virginia – recovering from a knee replacement
and a Coca Cola addiction-
said she heard that In the wild
the Monkey’s do not eat the peel
HMMM – I thought a bit..
Wonder why that is?
Eating the sweet and tasty core
and leaving the really nutritious food for trash-
Sounds a bit like “fast and “processed white” food to me.
Stop monkeying around
Get serious – Only it you have to-
Only the good die young
It is because the don’t monkey around
They dive in and finish their list
Before we even start
Monkey Minds belong in the zoo
Eating fast and processed food gets them
Locked in confinement of their Money Brain
Infrastructure left on the floor of the jungle.
Thoughts abound and rebound
All in the wrong places
ADDHD the wise doctor says
When eating plant protein
Would solve this problem and a zillion more
Anyway – how many monkeys do you see flying airplanes
or designing tall buildings ??
LLI Impromptu poetry class –
“She was Already Dead When I Got There”..
She was mostly fettered and barren long before..
There she was, in all her blaming glory…
The neighbors came by to throw their last respects-
Respecting not her presence,
But rejoicing in the peace – she left behind-
Her wake was a wake of her omissions-
Her children from near and far
Brought homage as one would give to one who had never lived..
Her legacy towered over
Loomed as grey shadows in the darkness,
But nothingness filled her meaningless eulogy-
A rare spark of light shined through as they laid her to rest..
The synergy of family
Wove a thread of the fiber of her being to
The next link
The broken chain was fastened…
The part of life that she was never
A Grand Finish to behold
LLI Impromptu poetry class –
Prompt Words-“Life is but a Dream”-
Life is an Impression
A perception of reality
So “Who cares?”
Life is how we choose to filter the behavior of others
Bad behavior can be seen good – If we think it-
Life is uninteresting, if we think it-
Sad, if we think it-
Compassion, if we think it-
at “perceived” hurt feeling
If we think it-
A “put down”
An insult, only a perceived wound
Either take exception
Or don’t bother and just go fishing.
Cane could have -Able would have lived…
Banal behavior reeks of thoughtlessness
Or Fast food..
Displacing dreams that will never come true..
Positive inertia will always displace the pessimistic kind
Kind behavior become sacks of…
Accumulates and even snowballs
Better than dysfunction,
Wars, bloodshed or simply being the Simpletons-
LLI Impromptu poetry class – Prompt Words: “Blue ball, Juicy Orange, A church, Popcorn, Taxi, Jump rope”….
The blue ball rolled down the aisle of a church to a taxi outside,
where a bride & groom dodged pop corn pelted at them,
as they were driven off, toasting juicy oranges and champaign..
He tied her up with the jump rope
and you know the rest of the story!!
LLI Impromptu poetry class –
Prompt Words: Jumper, Lift, Clotted Cream
Lifting the cream jar from the refrigerator
Clotted cream – again
My coffee goes wanting
As does my life..
My children are hedgy
My house a fog
no where to be found
For comfort and consolation
Where is the friendly banter
Where are the friends
All at the casino
Drowning their tragic lives in triviality and boos
Where is the preacher?
Beatles said “Writing a sermon that no one would here”
Mrs Robinson knows better
She thinks..any way
She arranges her life to be pleasing to others,
She manages to dodge the bullet of fate
By pretending she is…..What she is not.
Presumption muddles and hazes our relationships
The truth….only hurts feeling..
We can’t do that or can we?
Untruth or Lies authorize
and equip us to empower,
Enabling us to keep all our cattle and horses in the stable….
But are they happy there….
Well-fed with dried straw,
Instead of green grass, kernels of grain and seeds
Where they could roam and romp
And running and free
Breathing the sunshine and fresh air of truth
But instead are held captive to a life in a stall
Protected from the elements
Protected from the rapacious vulturous greedy minds
and the hearts and mouths of political correctness..
The horse was named Jumper – without a net…
Prompt Words: “I just love penguins”..
Penguins are tough-
and dedicatedly loyal to their progeny
Like any other mother who is given a life to hold
Revolve around like a planet,
and patiently coddle
In the harshest of surroundings..
They March to the sea
With the faith of Abraham
The promised land of provisions
To share with their helpmate
Why did God permit them to land at the South Pole
The forsaken, desolate outpost of creation
Where only the sea gulls and the polar bears roam
Home – home on the range of ice upon icy layer
The penguins of the world
Are die-hards who control impulses to quit
Stay in there and do the hard thing
End up being more than was intended
A model for believers
To care more
Remain constant and faithful to the inner voice
Holding knife to the throat to stay in line
and March in the direction of the unseen sun. (Son)
Prompt words “Do you want to please or control ?
No Rest in Sight.
Man is on fire
Black Roses on fire
When not expected
Nice to have
Henry was driven
By the beacon inside
To unwind the Basque – he was…
Tie loose sloppy beads of attachment
Fold into knots of greater escape
The Son also rises to shine
The Man is manless
And hard to find
Ask and you shall receive
Filter is clogged with limitations
With The bonds are not broken
Only charges of hope
There – But hard to find
Listen to the Whisper
Find the Heart
and you will be fine
Fine as a fiddle
Fine as a fin
To swim to the design
Of the of the Cross
He made for you.
He provides – encourages
Fosters and brings bonds of endearment
When all is won-we please and control
Where will we go
If all goes to hell
Where will we go
The miner is missing
A ship carrying coal
A ship caring praise
and turns the coal to dust…
Miscellaneous Poems – 2014 –
Embers – HT Wagner
Hardware to steady
Remedy – set right
Set upright again
Grab what comes your way
Or be left behind
He who sleeps…drops off
redress the balance
redress the wrong
Find the Prize
The proxemics – The knowledge of the space
To set between self and others…
To be connected…
Most cherished and adored
Free space in between-
Charged with promise
Hope of a Savior
Black Rosary in tow
To feel all
That sees beyond
The brink of the edge of disaster
The brink of hope
Death to the hopeless and life – the other-
About 3:30 AM – Woke suddenly – Rosary was still in hand-
clutched to my breast
3 breaths deeply breathed unconsciously
I knew I had something inside
That needed to get out…
Rosary of Mary
Rosary of Life
3 beads of breath
Swirl for the weld
of the Holy Spirit
A path to follow…
Of “what might be”
The cloud is lifted
and the truth is revealed
The rosary of life
In a lovely path of beads…
To the knowing tree.
Tree of life
All ready set before
Before time began
Looking the soup of the day…Wasabi Sea Weed
Resting on the counter
Inside the flavors were swimming
Becoming the soup of tomorrow
A poet’s dream-
Looking for hand cream
But no need to look
It was right by my side.
New Journal to record
The of a new Black Rosary
The Second Coming Meditation
Moisten my face
Moisten my soul
Be ready for a new day
Resting in arms
Swaddled and given to Mary
The gate keeper to Her Son
Dawning in a new civilization
A new way of thinkingPineal gland – a-pumping…
What I really want to know
Is the trip
The journal of the trip
from Henri to Dee to HT
So my kids
And be one with the Cosmos
One with the Cross
In a sentence
in a Word
The word was spoken…
The dragon of Puff
Has been slain
Chinks in the armor
Still a song in heart
Journey of a lifetime goes on
Under pinned by faith, love and hope
Faith not in what is…
But what He could do
If He wants to…
Hope for tomorrow
Without any fear
See only what is real
Perception is all theta is put before you
All what is not
All To pray
Prayer germs – all
To tie the knot of knowing not,
But creating a lovely tomorrow…
Holding the Black Beads
Dust to dust
I shall find life
After the deadness is gone
The deadness of numbness of what came before
the Prize of over-coming
the grapes struggling on the hillside
To make the finest wine
What is revealed to me
is what I always was
Poet & lover of life, love & little nothing else.
the nothingness – Was an Idle
14 years of study in the arms of Mary
Ready for tomorrow
Without the baggage
But clear vision of trust
Muddied by none
A piano to be played
It is all there
Let it flow.
Boon – Blessing – my friend
Listen to him
Feel the joy of new
Feed my hungry cat-
Fruit of the labor
Filling the path
That was always there.
Cats do not care…
There are just there
There for the purring
I leave it in Your Unblemished Hands…
St. John of the Cross-The Soul An Embryo
Care and feeding during Gestation
To avoid miscarriage
Feed only the fruits of love & joy
Rejoicing in material possessions & luxury will displace the ardor and zeal that is necessary for the development of a compassionate, generous, charitable and noble soul
A Gold Soul
Avoidance of self-love, arrogance, pride
The vanity of all desires of the will
Useless, pointless and worthless
is required for
Humility to develop and grow
Joy in hearing useless things give direct rise to distraction of the imagination
Abortion of the fetal soul threatened
Gossiping, envy, presumption with only a thin slice of the truth followed by un-serving and often fatal judgement,
In ordinate covertness
Power and strength are drained –
Leaving retarded development of the soul
Lust, gluttony, anger, envy discord
Invite lack of charity to neighbor
The Chariot of God is often a Broken Vessel
Broken because it is governed by desire
Soul being carried inside
Can survive in a Broken Vessel
As long as the Ego beast is denied the sensor urges and desires
Denial of sensory goods will turn the vessel to God
The seven deadly sins will not kill the beast…only the Soul…
Martha’s Children – 8:10 PM
The Unattached children – orphans they are-
Dedicated to St Martha & all of her minions…
Children who never knew their Mother
She was too busy with homemaking tasks to connect
She thought children were like plants
Just water now then
The SON will do the rest.
But they have stages
& wages to be paid for each phase
Stage grow into junctures
Doors that open the next Pandora’s Box
Never to be closed
Never to be redone
Each moment in time
& hauntingly …
Whole fabric works well – when it is all there..
Torn fabric – leaves a little to be desire
Weave it strong & true to begin with
Take care to maintain it with vigilance
Clean stains as the occur
Wear it gently
Add another layer when it is really cold
Love it tenderly
Respect the fabric of others & recognize their tears
Make repairs together
Fabrics are made of trillions of bits of thread
Each has fingerlings that touch the next
There are two competing lines of transmission
Ego’s line from within
God’s line to us
God is always talking-
“Stiff Necked” Disorder
Direct – not Warm
Extra sensitive feelings
Feeling hurt easily
If thoughts are selectively to let the be rolled off &
Choosing to presume and take as insult
Thoughts will escape the pre-adolescent mentality
& Grow into relationship building thought–bridges
Rather than walls
Remember the Passion
Juan Ruiz – ‘never presume anything’
Pre-adolescent stage is for bringing this behavior
to consciousness & correcting them.
Not recognized, they become “distorted thinking” as adults
Until God allow openness & curiosity
& a powerful & intelligent is built with will power,
In the MPC cortex with whole grain & fishes…
The Brain – The Psyche will have no track on which to tread
They will remain in the Binary Monkey Mind,
intrinsic pre-adolescent mode
…that is all they know to do..
Binary Monkey Mind (ANS) tries to turn all behavior into habit
Feast of the Loaves & Fishes – It was a Miracle…
Pasteurized dairy Kills the demons along with the angels
Along with killing the demons, pasteurized dairy the angels.
They become free radicals to be disposed in brain, heart.joints…
Along with killing the demons, pasteurized ‘dead’ dairy –
the mangled angels – become free-radicals.
Debris for dead storage only-
I Spanked a Monkey Today
The Monkey was unable to understand
Why he should take care of his mind
The instructions were perfectly clear
Un-restrictions & meat was
All that was clear to him
He liked it like it is…here in the monkey tank at the zoo
Muddled & dysfunctional
Christ came through…
The Miracle Mind was especially designed
For those who aspired to higher thought…
& Christ told him that it was okay
He was not equipped
But would be soon
The science of ‘Mostly Me’ was out-of-date
& in need of an upgrade.
Will soon be on the shelves & computers everywhere…
That even a monkey will be able to read
But needed the 3-D glass filters of plant protein & fishes
No one knows how to translate empathy
To a monkey minded professor of what is
Is not to others who live in the cloud
The skies of the Dome above Rocky Mountain below-
January 15, 2013
The Space Where Angel Tread.
Animal Protein..Altered GMO (Milled grain or Over-Heated Dairy & BAD fried oils)
Mind Food that is ‘not-fit-for-Human-Consumption‘
It where God is
God is the space between Matter
Holding in suspension
For all eternity
God is all things in abundance
God never shows His Face
But seeing the Unseen God
Is Looking into the eyes of “Other”
Monkey Minds cannot see God
Minding their own business
Selfishly guarding their space
Not knowing that God is there within it
The Binary Monkey Brain falls short of perfection
Has not the space within
Rejects doing what others say
Breast beating display
Announces that he is god
A god not seen is no threat
To a Old Temple
The Binary Mind heralds:
Food: must taste good,
Oblivious to nutrition-
Wants the sweet…loss is just ok
Fast food, eat the sweets
& remove the coarse nutrition
& other nutrient that gets in the way of taste-
New International Version (NIV)
34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth.
I did not come to bring peace, but a sword-