10 Steps To Protect Your Vibe
1. Avoid gossip & drama (demeaning, poking ‘fun’ at others (even if seems to be innocent joking ~ who is in earshot?
2. Let go of things you out of your control
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others
4. Keep Faith larger than Fears
5. Do not do anything ~ if it does not ‘feel right’
6. Do not be afraid to sped time alone
7. Speak kindly to yourself & others
8. Please yourself before trying to please others
9. Stay away from negative people who drain your energy
10. Ignore an7 opinions that do not enhance your life.
Is it just me in my role as a business advisor, or is emotional drama in the workplace increasing? Team members seem to be spending more and more time venting to anyone who will listen about the motives and actions of others, and less time introspectively focused on their own productivity and accountability.
The result is less real engagement and more negativity for all to endure.
According to a new book No Ego by international keynote speaker and business consultant Cy Wakeman, the average worker spends 2.5 hours per day distracted by drama.
Wakeman presents a convincing array of real examples that we have all seen, and offers the following reality principles for business leaders and professionals who want to turn this trend around in their environment:
1. Always give others the benefit of the doubt — assume noble intent.
Drama is all about assuming the worst intent in team members and leaders, and wasting time venting wasteful thought processes and unproductive behaviors.
The best leaders are highly focused on hiring only the right people, and modeling a high level of trust and respect.
2. Remind people that venting doesn’t resolve anything.
It only ramps up negativity, and is ego’s way to avoid self-reflection. Smart co-workers and managers refuse to listen to venting, and are quick to turn the discussion to reality, by bringing the relevant parties together for resolution of suspected or real differences. Actions speak louder than words.
3. Diffuse suffering from imagined stories rather than reality.
We all have a human tendency, developed in our childhood, to make up stories which paint us as a victim rather than the problem. In business, the best leaders diffuse this tendency by asking good questions, insisting on decisions based on real data, and not edicting results.
4. Use empathy when employee ego is creating doubts and chaos.
Self-reflection, accountability, and reality are an affront to egos. Avoid ego’s trap by avoiding sympathy and using empathy instead.
Sympathy exacerbates the pain rather than healing it. Empathy bypasses ego, shares an observed reality, and makes a call to greatness.
5. Confirm that challenges are the only reality for success.
As long as people believe that business realities are hurting them, they will remain victims. Real leaders improve the readiness, training, and preparation for these events, so that circumstances are not a source of pain, but are expected and can be accomplished with personal satisfaction.
6. Remember that engagement requires accountability for results.
Engagement without accountability leads to entitlement. Low-accountable people may appear to work hard, yet find complaints about everything.
They come to believe that making them happy is someone else’s job. Hire, incent, and reward people that accept personal accountability.
7. Remove resistance to change as a source of drama.
Traditional change management techniques need to be replaced by business readiness training and focus.
When people are fluent in the now, and ready for what’s next, they won’t feel the pain, and will feel a sense of excitement and eagerness to capitalize on the possibilities change can bring.
8. Communicate that personal preferences don’t drive the business.
Business leaders must convince the team that the decision makers today are customers, the marketplace, competition, feedback, innovation, and breakthroughs.
The personal preferences and ego of anyone in the company has little to do long-term business success and satisfaction.
9. Check your own ego before you attempt to engage another.
People who are prone to emotional drama are also super-sensitive to ego and emotions in their leaders and peers.
Countering drama with more emotion or violently shaking them up is not productive. Humbly make the call to greatness as you gently spur self-reflection and confidence.
10. Develop accountability through coaching and mentoring.
Building a culture of accountability with minimal emotional drama is a key element to organizational success today.
High-performing companies formalize these coaching and mentoring programs, and apply them universally, rather than activate them only to solve specific problems.
I’m convinced that every entrepreneur, team member, and business leader needs to practice these principles to eliminate workplace drama, end entitlement, and drive more satisfying results.
None of these deny the fact that business today is hard, and requires rapid adaptability to change and opportunities. Yet smart people make it a source of satisfaction, rather than continual pain.
PUBLISHED ON: OCT 16, 2017
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
More from Inc.
The Binary Minded ~ who are likely to be ‘left behind’ & Revelations unfolds
!. They do not want to talk about food~
2. Use taste only’ as the primary filter for food selection (ancient & unreliable)
3. ‘All or nothing’ mentality (binary thinkers)
4. Judge immigrants & all other ~ haters
5. Incessantly watch videos of end times or extreme political vies _right & left
6. Believe all are doomed but them ~
7. Those who gossip & poke fun (demean) others
8. Those who presume & judge others~
9. Frequently addicted to substance (alcohol, pharma, drugs, toxic relationships, etc.
Esau Principle ~
In Genesis, Esau returned to his brother, Jacob, being famished from the fields.
Jacob offered to give Esau a bowl of stew in exchange for his birthright (the right to be recognized as firstborn) and Esau agreed.
The birthright (bekorah) has to do with both position and inheritance.
Jacob and Esau – Wikipedia
https://en.m.wikipedia.org › wiki › Jacob_and_Esau
The ‘bowl of porridge’ could be anything from Gluttony of food, flesh, etc.
or Gossip (that displaces development of God given talent or relationships)!
or Remaining in the Small Mind Mentality
~ Signs of Mental Illness Dr David Burns ~Also known a ‘Distorted thinking’ of the ‘Small Mind’~
Thoughts that remain in the Esau Realm – Giving away a ‘Birthright ‘that should have been yours! Creating a ‘Life outside the Garden’
The Art of Distorted Thinking & How to Change It
Sep 10, 1999 – © Karen Hamilton
The Art of Distorted Thinking
‘Thoughts & beliefs about an event create your feelings about the event.’
So says Dr. David Burns, in The Feeling Good Handbook.
Think about that statement and know that it is true. Here is a list here the checklist of cognitive distortions that Dr. Burns outlines.
Look them over, print them out and stick them in a wallet or on the refrigerator or next to the bed. When you find yourself entering a state of anxiety, head for this list!
The key to stopping Negative thinking patterns & panic in it’s tracks ~
Lies in first identifying the ‘source of your anxiety’.
Once this is done this, a positive record of your thoughts regarding the event.
It is quickly learned that ‘MOST ~ (if not all) thoughts during an upsetting event are distortions – & will be able to PAUSE & CALL TO CONSCIOUSNESS ~ the distorted thinking & turn it to POSITIVE ~ before TO SAVE RELATIONSHIP & SELF ESTEEM!
Once identified the distortion by pausing ~ a more POSITIVE thought can be re-encoded into the Prefrontal brain.
Sounds tough? It becomes second nature after a while! (calling NEGATIVE thoughts to consciousness & CHOOSING to re-encode to a Positive Mentality.
A Short ‘two-second PAUSE~ The use of Free Will & Rational thinking….
But if this type of thinking is not recognized ~ thought to remain in the ‘Small Mind Mode of thinking ~ becomes a barrier to adult communication…
1. All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black and white categories ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
2. Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
3. Mental filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
4. Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count ~ ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
5. Jumping to conclusions: (A) Mind reading – you assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there’s no definite evidence of this ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
(B) Fortune Telling – you arbitrarily predict that things will turn out badly ~ ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
6. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way up out of proportion or you shrink their importance inappropriately ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
7. Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I really must be one.” ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
8. Should statements: You criticize yourself or other people with ‘shoulds’ or ‘shouldn’ts.’ ‘Musts,’, ‘Oughts,’ and ‘have to’s’ are similar offenders or ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
9. Labeling: You identify with your shortcomings. Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a jerk,” or “a loser.” ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
10. Personalization and blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that your own attitudes and behavior might contribute to a problem ~ or you see OTHERS having this behavior~
Cognitive Distortion Chart: Copyright 1980 by David D. Burns, M.D. Adapted from Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy New York: William Morrow & Company, 1980, Signet, 1981
The copyright of the article The Art of Distorted Thinking & How to Change It in Panic Read more at Suite101: The Art of Distorted Thinking & How to Change It http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/panic_disorder/24796#ixzz0qbVrM5R0
The Septum brain structure to facilitate The septum pellucidum is a laminated thin translucent vertical membrane in the midline of the brain separating the anterior horns of the right and left ventricles. …
A Short ‘t two-secondPAUSE~ The use of Free Will & Rational thinkingm~
But if this type of thinking is not recognized, it becomes a barrier oor ahindrancee to adult communication…
When Small Minded thoughts are allowed to be fired from the hip..dysfunction prevails…
Communication if frequently misunderstood & distorted ~
It takes 2 a hearer (perceiver) + one sending the intention…
Primal defaults to the worst-case scenario…positive thinker do not.