Secure Attachment & Bonding-Loving Relationships for a Lifetime!

Therapy for the ‘Insecurely’ Attached Child…

Secure Attachment & Bonding-Loving Relationships for a Lifetime…

Dr. Dan Siegel- On Becoming a Better Parent – YouTube

“It is not what happened to you as a child that matters, it’s how you make sense of what happened to you …

Daniel J. Siegel Daniel Goleman Better Parents, Better Spouses, Better People Better Parents, Better People…

The lessons of attachment help us heal adult relationships...

The powerful & life-altering lessons we learn from ‘our attachment bond’—

Our first love relationship—create secure adults …

Unless trauma strikes & breaks the bond…

The gut-level knowledge we gained then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure…

Learned by a parent who had a Secure Caregiver…

Lesson No. 1—adult relationships depend for their success on nonverbal forms of communication..(TAKE-TURNS) – ‘CONSISTENTLY’ RECIPROCATED..

Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan,

Tet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met.

Infants don’t know what they need…

They feel what they need & communicate accordingly.

When an infant communicates(with sounds, touch, gentleness, etc) with a

Caretaker who understands

& meets their physical and emotional needs…

Something wonderful occurs…They Fall In Love!

Relationships in which the parties are ‘tuned-in’ to each other’s emotions …

are called ATTUNED relationships & attuned relationships teach us that:

nonverbal cues (TAKE-TURNS) to each other…deeply impact our love relationships
play helps us smooth over the rough spots in love relationships
conflicts can build trust if we approach them without fear or a need to punish

When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, expectations, attitudes, assumptions and behaviors as problems resulting from INSECURE ATTACHMENT bonds… THIS IMPACTS their influence on our “adult relationships”.

That recognition allows us to reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills … that produce an ‘attuned’ attachment & successful STABLE relationships.

….The main predictor of how well your child will do in school and in life is the strength of the relationship he or she has with the parent or primary caretaker.

This relationship impacts your child’s future mental, physical, social & emotional health. It is not founded on ‘Quality of care’ or ‘Parental love’…

BUT THE “NONVERBAL”(TAKE-TURNS) emotional communication between child & parent known as “the attachment bond”….

While it’s easiest to form this secure attachment bond with an infant…

It can be formed at ‘any time’ or at ‘any age’.

Causes of Insecure Attachment include:

physical neglect — poor nutrition, heavy reliance on processed foods & animal protein, insufficient exercise & IGNORANCE & NEGLECT of the Importance of attaching Securely to create Secure Loving Relationships for a lifetime..
emotional neglect or emotional abuse — ‘little attention paid to the child’… ‘Little or no effort’ to understand the child’s feelings & verbal abuse (Intentional or unintentional)
physical or sexual abuse — physical injury or violation
separation from a primary caregiver — due to illness, poverty, death, divorce, adoption or BEING A SINGLE PARENT with this overwhelming responsibility.
inconsistency in primary caregiver — a succession of nannies or staff at daycare centers
frequent moves or placements — constantly changing environment; for example: children who spend their early years in orphanages or who move from foster home to foster home
traumatic experiences — serious illnesses or accidents
maternal depression — withdrawal from the maternal role due to isolation, lack of social support, hormonal problems
maternal addiction to alcohol or other drugs — maternal responsiveness reduced by mind-altering substances
young or inexperienced mother — lacks parenting skills